Moving Forward

As we all know holidays are often hectic and frankly are often not even that enjoyable for the caregiver. By the time we take care of our loved one there often isn’t enough time to decorate, bake or entertain as in years past. And, depending on how much you’ve done in the past to get ready for the holidays and how much you enjoyed it, not having time to do it now can be frustrating and depressing.

In the years I was taking care of my husband prior to his moving into the assisted living facility and during the 16 months he spent there before his passing, holidays were literally just another day for me. I felt sad and certainly missed the family dinners, the swim parties, Christmas, and all the birthday celebrations. But when he became ill my priority became that of taking care of him and making his life as normal as I could.

He passed away in April 2019. That means that I have spent three holiday seasons alone. And, of course with the restrictions that came with Covid, even family get togethers were cancelled. But I’ve made it through those seasons each year even though I often depended on visits to the cemetery and lots of tears.

I may have told you this before but if I did, I think it bears repeating as it helped me and may also help you.

On one particularly bad night when I was feeling alone and lonely with no purpose to my life I prayed to God to help me. I woke the next morning with the Serenity Prayer on my mind, I was repeating it over and over to myself. I thought that was strange until I realized that it was the answer to my prayer. God was reminding me that we can change some things but that we need to accept the things we can’t change. WOW! What an awakening! I couldn’t change the fact that my husband had died; I couldn’t change that I was alone; I needed to accept that he wasn’t coming back. I also needed to accept the responsibility for my future happiness.

That doesn’t take away my sense of loss, my missing him or my sadness but it does help me to know that I still can enjoy life and look forward to special occasions and holidays again. I believe I learned an important lesson with the Serenity Prayer… a lesson that I always need to evaluate things in my life, change the things I can and accept those that I can’t change. I also have to keep reminding myself of this prayer.

Nothing can take away the years of worry and sadness that many of us have experienced as we provided care for someone we loved. But when that period is over we need to learn to move forward into a new period of our lives.

With that being said I hope you, like I, can make changes that will enable you to move forward with your life even though some days that seems an impossible task. Believe me …. you can exist and live a good and happy life as you begin to evaluate and make changes or find acceptance.

I welcome your comments and/or questions about my caregiving experiences or how I am coping as I learn to move forward.

Bless you all!