Aligning Head and Heart

Taking care of a loved one is hard! But you know that by now.

Although you know intellectually that there isn’t going to be a good outcome for your loved one and you also know that your struggles can’t alter the situation, your heart still holds hope for the future. But there will come a day when you must face reality and when that happens you will need to have your head and your heart in alignment.

Alignment…..What does that mean? It simply means that you will accept the difficult reality of the situation both in your head (intellectually) and in your heart (emotionally). Believe me, you will be devastated when that moment comes.

So how will that awareness affect you?

It will crush you! You have now realized that nothing you can do will make a difference in the lives of you or your loved one. Oh yes, it will continue to make a difference in your daily lives and will most likely make you more caring and attentive even than before but it won’t increase the number of days your loved one has left to live.

Although it is a painful thing to do, reality indicates that you must take care to get things in order. You need to ensure that legal documents are updated so that wills and trusts accurately reflect the wishes of your loved one. Don’t put this off too long as your loved one may lose the ability to read and understand documents and may even lose the ability to sign his/her name.

You will want to make certain that steps have been taken to protect assets. In my own situation, our attorney recommended an “Elder Law” specialist to me. I sat down with her to review my documents and discuss my concerns. She made recommendations to my attorney and then the two of them worked together to review and revise documents. In all likelihood this will cost you several hundred dollars but unfortunately it is a necessity.

So for today, and all the days remaining with your loved one, just love them, kiss them, hold them, laugh with them, dance with them, read to them and make them comfortable. Enjoy being with them.

Don’t let them see your distress; do your crying in private but let your feelings out. Talk to friends and let them help you through this stressful time. Pray for God’s mercy and for his comfort for both you and your loved one.