Finding A New Normal

On February 3, 2017 I posted this:

Our lives have taken a new direction recently. Where 10:30 or 11:00 PM bedtimes were the norm for us through the years, my husband now goes to bed at 9:00 PM and actually starts looking at the clock around 8:00 PM. Since I’m not ready for bed that early, I spend a couple of hours catching up on a project, reading, writing, etc.

Sleep habits have changed for both of us. Actually my sleep pattern has changed dramatically with waking two, three, or more times after midnight or lights out, and then sleeping late the next morning. The new norm in our house is getting up at 9:00 AM; having a late breakfast and then, a late lunch. I sometimes feel like I’m just treading water, getting nowhere.

I ask God daily to help me know when, how, and how much help to give to my husband. I often have to hold back, letting him do things on his own but it is becoming apparent that he needs my help with more and more things such as dressing and keeping track of his glasses. During the past two weeks I have noticed a decline in his abilities. We see the doctor in one more week and he will be re-tested so that she will be able to give us her opinion as to the stage of his disease.

It is so difficult seeing what is happening to him and to know that there is nothing we can do to stop the changes that are occurring. He was taking Aricep but the side effect of the med caused his nose to run almost constantly, creating frustration, embarrassment and discomfort for him so he has stopped taking it. He feels better now and we didn’t notice any change with his not taking the med.

He is constantly tired and sleeps a lot. He naps after breakfast and in the afternoon then goes to bed early. I miss having conversations with him and I miss his company. I do try to involve him in decisions but it is becoming more and more difficult for him to understand what I am asking of him.

So yes we have a new normal to our daily routine. I know that I am changing too as our lifestyle changes. I ask God for guidance, for peace and calm to take me through each day and I try to pass that peace and calm along to my husband thereby making his day comfortable and happy.

Losing him is sad and my sadness is almost overwhelming at times. I know it’s so hard for him especially when he knows that something is wrong and that it is getting worse. Oddly, his disease has brought us closer together. We share a love and a closeness that is special and which keeps us going day after day.

Who would ever even consider that their “Golden Years” would be this way?

DISCOVERY
Last night I stretched up my hands
And touched the stars above
The moon smiled back when I looked at him
And the whole world shone with love.

But tonight the starts have turned their faces
And dark clouds hide the moon.
How did they all find out so fast
That sadness fills my heart's empty room.

Copyright 2007 Jenny Zimmer