Definition of Change

To change simply means to “make different” or “to alter in some way”….

CHANGE – positive or negative can affect your life, and lifestyle, in many ways. At least that is my experience from the changes that have occurred in our lives recently.

On July 30, 2017 I wrote the following account of what was going on around me.

The changes in my husband’s health have altered not only his life but mine and that of other close family members as well. I feel certain that our feelings of anger at the things happening to him and the sadness that we feel at losing him a little at a time can’t begin to compare to the feelings of frustration and despair that he must feel.

>Can you imagine not knowing the time or not knowing how long an hour is?

>Can you imagine getting up at 3 or 4 AM to shower and dress for a 10 AM appointment because you don’t know what time it is?

Things like this are examples of what we are experiencing now. Can you imagine what he must have thought or felt when I came into the bathroom and asked why he was taking a shower in the middle of the night?

He said he was getting ready to leave for our appointment. I was able to convince him that it was too early to get ready and asked him to come back to bed. He insisted on getting dressed first and laid down fully clothed. I’m pretty sure he didn’t totally believe what I was telling him about the time. I don’t think either of us slept the rest of the night.

I’ve asked him to trust me about the time we should get up and get ready to leave for appointments, etc. and he says that I “have a weird clock”.

I learned an important thing tonight….something that I’m going to call Caregiver’s Rule #1 and it is this:

“I need to always watch my tone of voice, keeping it soft and friendly

so that I don’t appear to be bossy, critical, or harsh. ”

I know that I need to be able to comfort and re-assure him when he is confused, frustrated, or scared. I don’t know if I can do that well enough …. I’m scared too. I also need to remember that I am now his life preserver in what is a stormy sea for him.

I pray for wisdom and guidance as we go through each day.

One Day to the Next…..

July 11, 2016

I love the radio and turning it on is generally one of the first things I do each morning. That has been my practice for as long as I can remember. In these days of satellite radio, I turn to channel 69, a station that plays a variety of music, all of which is easy on the ears.

One morning this past winter it seemed the music was especially good and, as we cleaned up the dishes after breakfast, my husband took me in his arms and, with the sunshine streaming into the room, we slowly danced in our kitchen.

As we danced a deep sadness filled me, tears came to my eyes and I tightened my arms around him. I knew at that moment that he felt the impact of the moment too. I also had a deep understanding that this moment signified what I knew to be the beginning of the end to the life we had known up to that time.

The music ended and we just stood there for a moment, not speaking, holding each other tightly. I think we both knew right then that we needed to treasure every moment like this when we could enjoy being together and could simply hold each other and enjoy dancing in our kitchen on a sunny morning.

Afterward I stood at the sink, looking out the window at the beautiful patio and the flower garden that we had created and enjoyed so much. My heart felt like it was literally breaking for him, for m, and for the loss of something so dear and so familiar.

We have lots of “good days” or days when things seem to be pretty normal if we don’t delve too deeply into the little things that occur. I treasure every one of those days and know that I am lucky to have them.

However there aren’t any days that I don’t somehow or sometime question my ability to deal with the changes that are occurring in my life; there aren’t any days that I don’t pray for guidance and there are never any days that I’m not thankful for the dances at we’ve had up until now.

Do I have what it’s going to take to handle these changes to our life? I worry about that.

**We spent many happy hours in our gazebo.**

Handling Life’s Changes

June 23, 2016

Change – constant and often unexpected! Our lives go along for years with changes that are mostly positive ones….marriage, children, a new home, career advancements, etc. Happy changes!

And then one day, the unexpected happens…change that is not positive but change that brings something new and frightening into our lives. I’m talking about change that occurs with the advent of illness, of memory loss, confusion, etc. to someone we love. What to do? How do we address it with our loved one? Dare we say that we notice the changes and are concerned? Can we suggest doctor visits/tests?

About two years ago things changed with my husband…most noticeably the ability to find words sometime and in dealing with anything that contained numbers. Writing checks became something he wasn’t able to do, he couldn’t remember how to make certain numbers, how to state an amount and even, at times, how to sign his name.

In these past two years things more things have changed and he is a very different man than the one I have known for years. He is still the man I love and I want to help him in any way I can. But in addition to the changes occurring with him, I find that I am also changing.

I have had to become the decision maker, the money manager, the one to remember when things need to be done, etc. In many ways, I feel like I’m living alone. It’s scary, what if I don’t make the right decision about something, don’t take care of something that needs to be done, or a bill that needs to be paid.

Lot’s of things are changing in my life but what I haven’t realized at this point is that I have already become a caregiver.

I pray everyday for my husband and I also pray daily for me, for the strength and courage to deal with the changes coming into my life and I ask God to give me the wisdom I need to take care of things.

A Care Giver’s Life

The Risks and Rewards

Hello! My name is Jenny Zimmer and this is my first post on this new blog. I am writing this to share my experience as a care giver and to offer you the benefit of some of the things I learned during that time. Care giving is difficult and there were many times when I just needed someone to share my feelings and frustrations with.

I will be posting updates frequently so please come back.

The Road to becoming a Care Giver is long

First let me say there is nothing you can do that will prepare you for the journey you are beginning. Oh yeah, you can find lots of technical books and pamphlets about being a care giver but those are generally written by doctors, nurses, or some other professional. I certainly don’t mean to discredit those professionals, they can tell you a lot about being in the role of care giver; they can talk about the subject and write about it but….have they lived it? Have they felt the sadness, the anger, and the frustrations of being in this role?

I have lived it and that’s why I’m writing this blog….to share with you the feelings and issues that I experienced along the way. It’s scary even for the most confident and composed person. Believe me, you go through so many stages in the process of care giving and learning to cope with these changes is often difficult.

My husband had Alzheimer’s. He began having issues with memory, writing, numbers, and judgement sometime during 2013. He was officially diagnosed in August of 2016 through a spinal drip. At the time of diagnosis he was in the middle stage of the disease and at least half way through that stage. We had known for some time that there was a problem but hearing that diagnosis was tough.

We didn’t see any additional changes in our lives after the diagnosis other than what we had already seen and adjusted to. For example, he no longer wrote checks for his business but turned the whole bookkeeping task over to me. There were other changes in our roles but at that time I didn’t consider myself to be a care giver. Wasn’t helping each other what couples did?

We visited our primary care physician several times during the next couple of years and he indicated that the issues were caused by aging. I asked many questions. What could we do? Was it caused by something we were doing, or not doing? Was it the meds he was taking? Could someone else help us find the problem?