Finding the Treasure

If you’ve been reading my posts on this blog then you know that early on I shared what I called “Caregiver’s Rules”. These rules were crafted by me based on things that were made clear to me in my role as a caregiver.

As weeks and months passed while I was caring for my husband, both at home and later, in the assisted living facility, I learned more about dementia and how it affected a person. I read books and sought information from our doctors and from the internet. Everything I learned was helpful to some degree but most of my learning came from observing his actions day and night and his reactions to things around him that were part of our daily life.

My Caregiver’s Rule #4 states, “Look for, find, and savor the good moments”.

There will be days when you may not find a good moment but don’t give up. Do the best you can with what you are given. Remember that your loved one is living a very different life from what he or she previously had. They are now held captive by the disease they are living with. They most likely feel confused, alone and fearful and they probably are not able to express these feelings to you.

Just keep in mind that you will find there are still a lot of good moments in your life even though some days finding a good moment may seem pretty far-fetched. Don’t give up…..keep searching for these treasures.

Maybe you’ll find one in the middle of a tense situation – it could be a smile or a hug that comes unexpectedly. Maybe its a softness that comes into eyes that appeared to be cold just a moment ago. When this happens, you’ve just found a treasure!

You’ll also find unexpected treasures when your loved one smiles at you and tells you that you are nice; when they eat the lunch you’ve prepared and then your heart swells with joy when they ask for a second helping of food.

There’s a treasure to be found at bedtime when you tuck your loved one in and they look up at you, smiling as they gently touch your cheek.

But don’t let me mislead you….your won’t always find a treasure. Sometimes you will feel rejected when your hand is pushed away or when a hug is not returned. When those hurtful moments occur just remember that the person you love is still there, in that broken body, and that their love for you is intact even though they aren’t able to express it to you with words.

Cry your tears in private or talk about your feelings and hurt with a close friend or a professional. And keep in mind that you must stay strong and healthy and that you need to keep a solid footing as you go through each day. It’s not easy but it is necessary.

So don’t let those treasured moments slip past you…. find and enjoy every one of them!