First Dreams, then Wishes and finally…..Memories

Remember how you felt when you met that one special person, the one you just knew was “the one”? Remember the thrill of falling in love? And, remember how you dreamed of having that person in your life always? Remember how dreams of building a home and a family together filled your head day and night?

I remember those days vividly….

We were not youngsters when we met and neither of us was the type of person whose head was filled with dreams that were outrageous or unattainable. Both of us had been married previously and knew what we wanted, and needed, in our lives.

We both wanted a partner….someone to share our deepest thoughts and dreams with; someone who would understand our desires and someone who would be there for us in every situation. And on top of that, we each desired to be loved, cared for, and treasured. We both had dreams of what we wanted a relationship to be.

After four years of dating, we began planning a wedding. We talked a lot and expressed our wishes for what we wanted our future to look like. Our wishes were simple and we felt that together we could build the life we each wanted.

But there were bumps along the way. After all, we were two different individuals from different backgrounds and we both had ideas about how we thought things should be. We compromised. When we bought a house and moved our furniture into it there were two of everything so some things had to go. His furniture was nicer and of better quality than mine so…..you guessed it, mine went. I didn’t expect to feel bad about that but somehow I felt that I was diminished and not valuable to the process of creating our home.

Being sensitive to my feelings he suggested that we buy some new things that we would select together. That took away the feelings I was experiencing and replaced them with happiness. So now, instead of having his and mine, we had ours.

Now when I think back to those years of building our love and our life together I wish that I could have had more time with him. We would have celebrated our 40th anniversary this year. As it was, we had 38 years together before his death. Those were good years! We never stopped dreaming, we created a wonderful life together and when he became ill, I still dreamed of his returning to good health and to spending more time together.

But in my heart I knew that our time together was limited by the Alzheimer’s that robbed him of his world and eventually, his life. The night before he went into the assisted living facility, we laid in our bed, holding hands, as he talked about his wish to spend another winter in Florida. He said, “I think I could drive it; you can help me.”

Knowing that there was no possible way that we would ever travel again, I let the tears slide silently down my face as I talked with him to plan the trip I knew we would never take. That was one of the hardest things I had ever had to do. Oh, how I wished that we could turn back the clock!

But for that one night, he still had his dream and his wish for our future. He didn’t know that things would never be the same for either of us again.

Our wishes and dreams of many years are now treasured memories. Thank God for giving us the years together to build these wonderful memories.

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