Where Do I Go From Here?

The holidays are over….you’ve survived! I’m sure it wasn’t easy for either you or your loved one.

Hopefully your holidays were problem free and you didn’t have too many visitors. Although they don’t mean to be problems, visitors can change the dynamics and affect the atmosphere in your home. Your loved one may become agitated or even combative with visitors when they approach him/her. Keep in mind that your loved one may not know who these visitors are and may be frightened when the visitor approaches him/her. You’ll want to be watchful and you may need to remove your loved one from the situation that has evolved. Having visitors also puts an additional strain on you.

One of the most important things to remember when caring for someone is that they need to be kept safe and that they need to feel comfortable. Simple? Not so much……

One of the things I learned early on was that my husband responded to my touch even when he was scared, unsettled or somewhat aggressive. After he went to the facility he would often give the care partners a hard time when they needed to change him or clean him up. I learned that, when I was there, I could assist them by putting my face close to his and talking softly to him, whispering assurances and endearments, while they took care of him. The sound of my voice alone helped to calm him.

You will no doubt find that your loved one responds positively to your touch and your voice. Hugs, holding hands, and other casual touching are some of the ways you can show your love. Experts say that interaction with others and music are two things that stay with dementia patients longer and that you should use every opportunity to put one or both of these in play when possible.

My husband loved music and I kept a radio playing in our house all day. After he went into the assisted living facility I would often lie down with him, put his favorite Sirius channel on my phone and put my head on his shoulder or my arm around him. Sometimes we would talk but more often we just laid there, enjoying our time together. At these times I would close my eyes and remember the many times we had lain in bed, planning a vacation, discussing current events or simply holding each other. Those were the good times!

So now we have made it past the holiday season and are back to our normal routine. Where so I go from here? Can I maintain the level of care he needs? Do I have the courage and strength that I need to sustain me?

Does he know how much I love him?