The year was 2017 and it was early in December. The year had been difficult and Al’s Alzheimer’s had progressed significantly. There had been several incidents during the year that made me wonder how much longer I could care for him at home. Both his sister and our primary care doctor had suggested that I look for a facility where he would receive good care. I didn’t even want to consider doing that….I could take care of him….I was sure I could.
Early in December there was an extremely difficult time when he needed to go to the ER and wouldn’t let me take him. After a trying night I finally, around 4 AM, called 911 to transport him to the hospital. They were wonderful with him and convinced him to let them get some clothes on him and go with them. He was upset with me that I had called them.
The ER personnel found that they would have to remove the bowel blockage manually and gave him something to relax him for this painful procedure. There were complications and they ended up giving him a second medication for relaxation. Of course he was frightened and in pain; I stood at his head, stroked his face and talked to him all the while, trying to sooth him.
After the procedure was complete, Al fell asleep. After about an hour, they sent us home. He was still asleep. When we arrived home, we found that his sister, her husband and I couldn’t get him out of the car and into the house. I ended up calling 911 the second time so they could help us. The medics said he should not have been sent home in that unconscious state and that he needed to go back to the hospital. They took him back to the ER.
After he was checked over by the nurses, we finally saw the ER doctor and not the PA who had tended us earlier. The doctor told me that they were going to give him an injection similar to Narcan which would reverse the effects of the drugs he had been given. He was awake within a few minutes of that injection. They kept him overnight, thinking he had some kind of infection and it was a terrible night. The hospital staff was not kind or helpful and didn’t treat either him or me very well.
It was quite obvious that this hospital staff did not know how to deal with persons suffering from dementia of any kind.
This had happened on the 5th of December. We had other incidents during the month that were difficult and troubling. I realized that I could no longer take care of him, provide for his needs and keep him safe. What a terrible realization that was for me! I had prided myself on providing good care for him and now I could no longer do it. Was I giving up too soon? Had I really reached my maximum capacity for taking care of him or was I just too tired and stressed to think clearly? I needed to make some very hard decisions now.
Care Giving - Risks & Rewards 