I am tired! Physically, mentally and emotionally. I feel all used up. I feel alone and helpless. I also am beginning to question my decision making…..am I doing the right things for him? Could I be doing something something better, could I somehow slow or stop the progression of Alzheimer’s?
Being a caregiver is no easy task!
I think it might make a difference whether the one you are caring for is someone close to you or a stranger. I’m no expert but I would think that you could do more, and with less hesitation, when you know the person. In fact, I found myself doing things that I didn’t know I could do. Things such as cleaning up bathroom accidents; using a plunger (and sometimes even my gloved hands) to clear a blocked toilet; giving a bath which included washing private parts; brushing teeth, giving enemas, inserting suppositories, etc. The list goes on and on. The need is there and you somehow just find the strength and stamina to take care of it.
But in between those duties which are sometimes distasteful and generally difficult to do, there are moments of smiles, laughter, hugs, maybe even some meaningful conversation. These are glimpses of a former, pre-disease, person. And, maybe for a little while, you can even pretend that things are o.k. in your world. These moments are precious so keep them close and bring them out to help you get through the bad times.
Sometime during the day I look at him, sleeping on the couch. I look at his face, a face I have loved since the first day I saw him and my heart cracks just a little bit more. Tears slide silently down my face and I whisper, “I just want him back, I want him back the way he used to be!”
Care Giving - Risks & Rewards 