April 20, 2017 was my birthday. It was also a day that defined where we were with the disease that had changed our lives so incredibly. It was a beautiful spring day and Al wanted to play golf. We called his sister and they were up for golf so the four of us went to a local public course for 9 holes.
Playing golf was not a good idea as it turned out. With the day being one of the first nice days in a long time, there were quite a few people on the course. It was apparent right away that Al was no longer able to play. He didn’t know which club to use and was not able to locate any particular club in his bag. He was putting with his driver and was not willing to change to his putter when I suggested it. And, to cap it off, he walked very slowly and we soon had people backed up behind us. Needless to say, it was not a good experience. But bless his heart, he had a good time.
After that day, he suggested that we play golf several times during the rest of spring and then summer. I would always find an excuse,,,,,it was too hot, I didn’t feel like playing, etc. Finally one day when I made some excuse not to play, he looked at me and said, “Do you and Linda think I’m going to go crazy on the course or what?” I assured him that wasn’t the case. After that he rarely mentioned golf any more.
He began staying inside more as summer moved on but would sometimes come out to the patio when I was mowing the grass. He would generally sit there a while or walk around on the patio and watch me for a bit before going back inside. He began sleeping a lot. In fact he was soon sleeping so much (15-18 hours out of each 24 hour period) that I grew concerned and mentioned it to the doctor. She said that sleeping a lot wasn’t unusual for people with Alzheimer’s.
I missed him….I missed talking with him & watching TV together, and I missed having meals with him. I began to feel very isolated and alone. I sometimes realized that I had gone through a whole day without combing my hair or putting on mascara. I found myself wearing sweats or shorts depending on the weather. I realized that I had lost something personal and important… pride in my appearance.
As a rule, his sister Linda and her husband were the only ones that visited. Al didn’t like others around. I think that was because he didn’t know what to say or do when someone other than his sister or I were there.
We became even more isolated. But he was happy and I did the best I could to keep him comfortable. Sometimes at night I would put my arms around him, hold him close and wish that I could have him back the way he used to be. But of course that wasn’t possible and I often went to sleep with silent tears drying on my cheeks.
Care Giving - Risks & Rewards 