September begins the season of holidays. Many of us will find ourselves celebrating Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas as well as other special holidays/events, and occasions. And of course there is extra time spent shopping, cleaning and cooking for every special day. This extra work increases the possibility of frustration and losing your patience. It also makes you tired and more apt to be a little short and maybe cranky with others.
So the question arises…..how do I work all of this into my daily life as a caregiver? How do I incorporate all this into my already busy life? How do I take care of my loved one with all the distractions around me? How will all this extra activity affect them?
But what really concerns you is whether or not YOU can get through these days….are you strong enough physically and emotionally to get the extra work done and still take care of your loved one? You ask yourself, “can I handle the stress”.
From my own experience I can tell you that it isn’t going to be easy. But there are a couple of things you can do to help you get through it. First and most importantly, you MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! Simplified that means that you get enough rest, eat a good balanced diet and that you manage to spend some time outside the home and away from all the hub-bub of the holidays. Go out for a walk, have a latte or a sandwich, read a book, write a letter, or just sit and enjoy the scenery.
Taking care of yourself also means accepting help from others. You may have to ask for help but get it one way or another. If there are no family members near, then call on one of the agencies in your area that will be able to supply an aide for a few hours a day several days a week. Friends and neighbors are usually helpful too.
You can also consider simplifying your celebrations by cutting down on the number of guests, using an outside source for food, and even hiring house hold help for cleaning, serving food, etc. Above all….. DON’T TRY TO DO EVERYTHING YOURSELF.
Now is a good time to remember my Caregiver’s Rules and lean on them to get you through holidays/events without completely losing it.
So, just to refresh your memory, my Rules 1-5 are listed below:
- #1 – “Always watch my tone of voice, keeping it friendly so that I don’t appear to be bossy, critical, or harsh.“
- #2 – “Accept the challenge/problem that has presented itself and then look for, and find, a workable solution.“
- #3 – “Keep life as simple as possible while adjusting to the changes around me.“
- #4 -” Look for, find, and savor the good moments.“
And finally, Rule #5 is to….
- #5 “Live in the moment.”
Here are a few things that I’ve learned during my time as a care giver.
First of all, consider your loved one and how they will feel being around a lot of people or in a strange place. You may want to limit the number of people around at any one time.
Be cognizant of the fact that your loved one may not know who the people around him are and the noise or activity may be frightening to him. He may want to go to his room and get away from it all. Be sure to watch for signs that he is tiring, getting aggitated, or restless.
If your loved one is incontinent, he/she may be embarrassed by “an accident”. Be certain that you ensure visits to the rest room on a regular schedule or when you feel/sense they need it.
If your loved one has problems feeding himself, be sure that you make accommodations for feeding him in a private place. Also make certain that whoever assists with feeding is someone he knows and that they are aware of the pace of eating and drinking. Do not rush this process or change it because of the holiday and the possibility of a very different menu that day.
If your loved one is in a facility and you decide to take him to your home for dinner or, for opening presents at Christmas, remember that you need to keep a close watch on his reactions and be prepared to take him to a quiet room or even back to the facility if you feel it is warranted. Don’t force him to remain where he is uncomfortable.
I have heard stories of home visits that were very difficult and often embarrassing for the person who was ill, for the family, and others who were present. For example, your loved one might make inappropriate comments, have an outburst, or even a urinary or bowel accident. They may spill food or drink, cry, or experience some other emotional outburst; they may be disruptive and even aggressive. So be sure you know how your loved one will react in these situations before you decide to take him home for a special occasion. A home visit may not be good for either of you.
If your loved one has any type of dementia, Alzheimer’s or other, keep in mind that they cannot come into your world any longer so you must go into theirs. This simply means keeping things comfortable for them and not expecting them to be able to socialize or interact with others in the same way they did when they were healthy.
My Caregiver’s Rule #5 – “Live in the Moment” should be your guiding light not only during the coming months but also as you go down the road that you and your loved one will travel.
Your frustrations and sadness will increase during special holidays/events and that’s normal. Just try to keep in mind that you still have your loved one with you and that you can still enjoy the special times with them, just in a different way.
Care Giving - Risks & Rewards 