July 11, 2016
I love the radio and turning it on is generally one of the first things I do each morning. That has been my practice for as long as I can remember. In these days of satellite radio, I turn to channel 69, a station that plays a variety of music, all of which is easy on the ears.
One morning this past winter it seemed the music was especially good and, as we cleaned up the dishes after breakfast, my husband took me in his arms and, with the sunshine streaming into the room, we slowly danced in our kitchen.
As we danced a deep sadness filled me, tears came to my eyes and I tightened my arms around him. I knew at that moment that he felt the impact of the moment too. I also had a deep understanding that this moment signified what I knew to be the beginning of the end to the life we had known up to that time.
The music ended and we just stood there for a moment, not speaking, holding each other tightly. I think we both knew right then that we needed to treasure every moment like this when we could enjoy being together and could simply hold each other and enjoy dancing in our kitchen on a sunny morning.
Afterward I stood at the sink, looking out the window at the beautiful patio and the flower garden that we had created and enjoyed so much. My heart felt like it was literally breaking for him, for m, and for the loss of something so dear and so familiar.
We have lots of “good days” or days when things seem to be pretty normal if we don’t delve too deeply into the little things that occur. I treasure every one of those days and know that I am lucky to have them.
However there aren’t any days that I don’t somehow or sometime question my ability to deal with the changes that are occurring in my life; there aren’t any days that I don’t pray for guidance and there are never any days that I’m not thankful for the dances at we’ve had up until now.
Do I have what it’s going to take to handle these changes to our life? I worry about that.
Care Giving - Risks & Rewards 